The 2011 Project

As another blue-eyed one never quite said, “Resolutions, I’ve had a few.” (It may interest you to know that language statisticians say the use of the word “resolution” peaks during the last week of December each year and tails off to nearly nothing by mid-January). But this year, we’re leaving resolutions behind and simply projecting the year ahead based on observed phenomena during a given period of time. In this case, the period is January 1, the first day of the year. Based on what happened yesterday, in 2011 I will:

  • Watch all or part of 2,190 college football classics and see the Big 10 lose 1,825 times.
  • Eat homemade pasta with Eamon and Sakura 365 times.
  • Have 1,460 cups of strong coffee and 365 cups of tea.
  • Drink alcoholic beverages zero times.
  • Comment on the beverage name “Pocari Sweat” 3,650 times.
  • Consume 35 million calories from various snacks and holiday sweets.
  • Take The Dog for 1,460 walks and pick up 1,460 holiday leavings from said Dog.
  • Step in a pile of waste left by the neighbor’s cat 365 times.
  • Lose track of The Dog while doing an outdoor chore, look for him up and down the block, get irritated with very nice neighbor who let The Dog in to hang out with her family, apologize for getting irritated: 365 times.
  • Weigh myself 365 times and think “that’s not too bad, is it?” about 5,000 times.
  • Conceive 131,400 brilliant ideas (20 for each waking hour) and 13,400 inspired projects (two every waking hour) based on same.
  • Play 2,190 games of Fruit Ninja on my daughter-in-law’s iPad (hi, Sakura!) and lose every one.
  • Look at work email on my day off 1,040 times.
  • Check personal email, Facebook, and Twitter 3,650 times.
  • Check on delivery status of items ordered online 730 times.
  • Shop at the Shattuck Avenue Andronico’s 365 times.
  • Complain about a stuffed-up sinus 3,650 times.
  • Take 1,095 ibuprofen tablets.
  • Take 365 showers.
  • Shave zero times.
  • Change my underwear 365 times.
  • Go into the office zero times.
  • Wear shorts outside on a cold, rainy day 365 times and have 365 conversations about it with a total stranger.
  • Research federal and state laws and regulations about indoor lighting 365 hours.
  • Take zero naps.
  • Consult the weather forecast and/or Doppler radar 1,825 times.
  • Watch the movie “Inception” 365 times.
  • Take 10,950 pictures, of which 365 turn out.
  • Put on and take off shoes or slippers 7,300 times.
  • Think about getting in touch with family and friends 3,650 times. Make call or write email to same zero times.
  • Think about writing a blog post 3,650 times. Write a blog post zero times.

5 Replies to “The 2011 Project”

  1. Uh-oh. Blog-post projection already blown. Algorithm now in doubt. Perhaps not a bad thing in the case of the cat waste.

  2. あけましておめでとうございます!
    “Aquarius” is the new “Pocari Sweat” where I live. 😀

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