Category: Current Affairs

And the special Emmy for best free-form news comedy goes to … CNN, for its continuing coverage of Hurricane Ivan. The network’s guy in Mobile was on this morning, jabbering and/or gibbering about the monster storm headed straight for him. Rough transcript: “Florida Governor Jeb Bush was wearing a button saying., ‘I’ve survived damn near everything.’ And after Ivan, after Frances, and after Charley, this region has taken a full frontal.”

Huh? Full frontal? As in lobotomy?

Thankfully, the pre-Ivan terror report was pre-empted by breaking-news of live coverage of Martha Stewart announcing she’s going to begin her jail sentence as soon as possible, even though she’ll miss her pets (she actually said that) and even though this means she’ll this means she’ll be in stir for Halloween. Martha, we hardly knew ye!

Walking east on Lunt Avenue from Dad’s place over to Sheridan Road, up here on Chicago’s far North Side, I see someone’s taken over a little stretch of sidewalk for their very own anti-Bush campaign. They’ve scrawled “Today’s Reason Not to Vote for Bush” in blue chalk, and every day (apparently; I’ve walked past the spot two days, and the reason looks like it’s changed daily) they offer a new presidential provocation. Last Friday, it was Dick Cheney. Today, Bush “ignored Geneva Convention” (the former is pithy and visceral, the latter requires a little too much thought, especially on an unseasonably warm, humid day like today.

A new approach to getting people to vote: Turn the registration process into a sweepstakes. It’s called Vote or Not, and it was launched over the weekend by the two guys who made a bundle from the Hot or Not vanity/dating site a few years back. Register to vote, or prove you’re already registered, and you become eligible for a $100,000 cash prize. Just wrote a piece about it for Wired News (online tomorrow, I think here). They have some interesting things to say about why they did it, and they convinced me they have a kind of nontraditional view of the political system.

Update: A big wrinkle in the plan: The rules of the contest were altered so that voter registration is not required. In other words, any U.S. citizen 18 or over can enter. The reason: a section of the federal Voting Rights Act that, among other things, makes it illegal to offer or accept payment for registering to vote. Neither of the Vote or Not guys, James and Jim, are especially anxious to create new case law on this provision.

Now that I’ve brought myself to watch a few seconds of Arnold’s speech at the recent Republican group grope, and taking a look at this cover story in Wired magazine, I figure I’m missing something. From what I saw of his convention speech, his delivery was, as usual, loud and tone deaf; his text was as rhetorically graceful as a tank driving through a wall. His physical appearance is becoming kind of scary: When he works his muscular mandibles to extrude his odd English stylings and retread “Saturday Night Live” punchlines, he resembles the Jaws character in James Bond, like he’d like to pump you up, then chomp you up. And if human flesh isn’t available, you could probably start feeding him tree stumps. The governor who chips and mulches.

Meantime, Wired dips its toe into the murky waters of mainstream politics and declares Arnold “The New American Idol.” That declaration is based on an embarrassing inch-deep analysis of Schwarzenegger’s 10 months in office summed up thus:

“Schwarzenegger has turned out to be a surprisingly effective governor. He’s eased (though not broken) the political logjam in Sacramento, navigated ably through the biggest state deficit ever, and established himself as a potent force on the national political stage. His popularity rating among California voters hovered through summer in the 60s, near the all-time highs for a Golden State governor and more than 40 points above the end-of-term numbers for the man he replaced, Gray Davis.”

He’s surprisingly effective — like our semi-elected president, he gets high marks based on near-zero expectations. He’s “eased the logjam” in the state capital, though the nature of the jam is never explored or explained. Navigated ably through the deficit. Not hardly: the genius solution he’s pushed on the state is to turn the deficit into future debt, and not even that “let the grandchildren pay” solution has come close to clearing up the deficit. He’s established himself as a potent force on the national political stage. Yeah, he’s a star, no denying that. Potent force? We’ll see. And he’s more popular by far than Gray Davis was. Guess what? So are Saddam Hussein and the Son of Sam.

Arnold’s big-time revolutionary moves so far, Wired says, include naming a Democrat to be the state environment secretary (Bush has a liberal Democrat in his cabinet, so he too must be a revolutionary) and that he’s working on a way to eliminate gerrymandering through an amendment to the state Constitution. OK — that’s worth a try, though Wired, apparently innocent to the ways of the world and U.S. history, doesn’t raise the obvious suspicion that Arnold is really working on a way to break the Democratic majority in the Legislature and in California’s House delegation.

One glaring omission in its report on this miraculous new revolutionary politician — he rules from “the radical center,” the magazine says — is his fundraising. Just like his big hungry maws, this is kind of scary: the guy is reportedly raising something like $2 million a month, more money, faster, than any California politican ever. The money’s not coming from the little people, either: The secretary of state’s campaign finance reports show that The Austrian’s biggest contributors are all the insurance and energy and other big companies that just want to make life better for all of us.

The New York Times is running a Reuters picture with its coverage of the slaughter in the Russian school (200 or more killed?) earlier today: a woman caressing the head of a bandaged child on a stretcher who appears to be dead. The scene brought Walt Whitman’s “The Wound-Dresser” to mind:

“… Bearing the bandages, water and sponge,

Straight and swift to my wounded I go,

Where they lie on the ground after the battle brought in,

Where their priceless blood reddens the grass, the ground,

Or to the rows of the hospital tent, or under the roof’d hospital,

To the long rows of cots up and down each side I return,

To each and all one after another I draw near, not one do I miss,

An attendant follows holding a tray, he carries a refuse pail,

Soon to be fill’d with clotted rags and blood, emptied, and fill’d again. …”

The last couple of days, I was feeling like I was watching the wheels come off the world or something. The school hostages and a subway terror attack in Russia. More of the same in Israel. Nepalis slaughtered in Iraq and rioting against Muslims in Kathmandu. Meantime, our ruling party is celebrating the fact it’s put the terrorists to flight and is proclaiming its readiness to keep going for four more years. I don’t think they’re talking much about the cost, human or financial.

Then this evening, we were getting our dose of doctored reality from “The Daily Show.” I had failed my civic duty by neglecting to watch the Republican celebration of their Remaking of America — my neighbor Piero watched the speech, and at one point during the delivery went out on his front porch and just screamed — but I knew it would come up in a form I could swallow on “Daily.” And sure enough, they had a clever little parody of a Bush convention documentary, spiced up with lots of examples of mis-speakings and contradictions and outright untruths. At one point, there was a clip of Bush saying (pretty close to verbatim), “You can’t distinguish between Saddam Hussein and al Qaida when it comes to terrorism.”

That provoked my son Tom to get up angrily and leave the room, commenting, “I’m really sick of this country.” Boy, did I recognize that moment. I remember watching a Nixon speech when I was about his age and getting so mad that I spit on the television. Tom came back after a few minutes to explain why he was upset. Partly it’s the sense — fed by us to some extent, I’m sure, and also from some of his more thoughtful friends — that people are letting the whole Bush gang get away with a huge lie. Partly it’s frustration that he sees so many of his peers, even here in Berkeley, unwilling to pay attention, much less vote. And partly it’s the realization that what he’s seeing will affect his future, has already affected it.

I had nothing to say, really. It’s a hell of a world we’re leaving him.

A nice line in the lede of San Francisco Chronicle’s story on our Austrian governor and his speech to the Republicans last night:

“New York — Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, completing his transformation from muscular curiosity to political powerhouse, told a national television audience Tuesday that ‘America is back’ …”

I can’t wait for the coming campaign to amend the Constitution so that the Austrian can run for president. And of course, that’s no joke: Two such proposed amendments have been introduced during this session of Congress: One that would allow those of foreign birth to be president after they’ve been citizens for 20 years, another with a 35-year citizenship and 14-year continuous residence requirement. The interesting thing, on first glance, anyway, is that the sponsors of the amendment resolutions include the very liberal (Democratic Reps. John Conyers of Michigan and Barney Frank of Massachusetts, for example) and the very conservative (Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah and Darrell Issa of California; Issa is the guy who made Schwarzenegger’s governorship possible by bankrolling the campaign to recall Gray Davis last year when it looked like it had stalled).

Now, the bipartisan lefty-righty support for the amendment doesn’t mean it’s going anywhere. Haven’t looked to see whether anyone has done any polling on the proposal, but the Associated Press did an informal survey of GOP delegates from Michigan earlier this week and found the idea got a cold reception.

My own feelings: I really loathe the notion of Schwarzenegger taking his bluster and borrowed “Saturday Night Live” and “Terminator” one-liners to national office. But I also believe that this country has been made great by immigrants; and that the original reasoning for excluding the foreign-born from the presidency — discussed in brief on Slate — is no longer valid. And of course, there’s the obvious point that we’ve gotten so far into the shallow end of our political talent pool — take a look at the Son of Texas ensconced at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue now — that maybe it’s time to think about opening up the process a little.

Historical ‘President Schwarzenegger?’ footnote: Shock site rotten.com notes in its long profile of the Austrian that during a House committee hearing several years ago, he was cited as the nightmare example of why foreigners should be barred from holding the highest office in the land:

Mr. MCDONALD: All right. I could give what I consider the definitive argument against the proposed amendment in two words: Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I have been allotted 5 minutes, so I will take the 5. I will explain the reference, if it does not follow.

[Later in the testimony…]
Mr. FRANK: Thank you. First, I would ask, Professor McDonald, I assume the reference to Arnold Schwarzenegger was to hold out the terrible prospect that he might get elected President.
Mr. MCDONALD: Yes.
Mr. FRANK: I think what I find is that that shows — the assumption is that there is no great discretion on the part of the public.
Mr. MCDONALD: They have elected a number of actors before to high office.
Mr. FRANK: Yes, they have, and I think they did a reasonable job, given their values. And I think that I am glad you brought it up, because it seems to me what we have here is, in the guise of a defense of the American citizens, a denigration of them; the notion that they somehow cannot be trusted to make these decisions.

“Well, I’m sorry you’re such a straitened, strangulated little hernia of a man.”

That sentence just popped into my head. Now I have to find someone to apply it to. John Ashcroft, maybe.

… And it’s all over your face.

Wired News has a good followup story on the “This Land” copyright caper. A while back, a couple of brothers posted an animated parody of Bush and Kerry using Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is Your Land.” Great. Except that a publishing company came out of the woodwork to declare it owned the copyright and to demand that the bros take their song down. But it turns out that the putative copyright owners, in addition to not getting what Woody Guthrie was about, may not own the song after all. Whatever the details of ownership, the faux owners have decided not to press the case any further.