The sharp-eyed Lydell emails this bit of news with the note, “No Wonder Y’All Took It on the Arches”:
Our former semi-hometown — the town where my siblings and I all went to junior high and high school, Crete, Illinois — is in the news. The Daily Southtown has the story:
Women OK after squirrel attack
Two Crete women who were attacked by a squirrel are in good condition, Crete Police Chief Paul VanDeraa said.
The squirrel was caught in a trap and is being tested by the Will County Animal Control office, VanDeraa said.
A woman who lives in the 1400 block of Vincennes was scratched in the leg and bitten by a squirrel Feb. 16 as she walked from her porch to her car, VanDeraa said.
Three days later, a woman was scratched while she was in the area of Benton and Cass [several blocks away], VanDeraa said.
Too many straight lines in this story. You just hope that investigators didn’t imprison an innocent squirrel and let the real perp go free. And, apropos of nothing, here’s an opportunity to quote my favorite squirrel-related headline ever, from The Onion: “Road-kill Squirrel Remembered as Frantic, Indecisive.”
I’m thinking it was *a man* in a squirrel suit. That seems reasonable…probably a Will County Homeland Security guy. They have a budget for that kind of thing, I reckon.