Melting in the Dark

Robert Goulet died and has been widely obituarized (a Google News search suggests 750 stories have been published on his passing). Goulet was widely mocked (Exhibit A: Will Ferrell doing Goulet as a rapper), and even self-mocked (Exhibit B: Goulet spot for ESPN), as an over-the-top ham. But compared to some, Goulet never even saw the top, much less went over it. Exhibit C: this puddle of sentimental treacle from Vegas crooner Wayne Newton: “His incredible voice will live on in his music, and as Bob so brilliantly sang, ‘There will be another song for him and he will sing it,’ for God now has another singing angel by his side.” (Actually, Wayne, what “Bob” sang was, “There will be another song for me, and I will sing it.” But that’s OK — we know what you meant.)

It tickles me that Newton plucked a lyric from the goofy, loopy “MacArthur Park” to wish “Bob” well on his new gig. Maybe he’ll get a chance to do a duet with Richard Harris.

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Late-Shaking News

A little reminder of where we live: we had a 5.6 magnitude earthquake this evening, centered about 40 miles or so south of us. I was sitting in my office with my laptop (where else?), trying to do a simple project for Kate. First there was a rumble as the older, front portion of our house started to shake; then the back, which unlike the front is built on a slab, started to shake, too; and things kept rattling, the dog started barking, and I heard Kate, on the phone with Thom up in shake-free Eugene, exclaiming about the experience. In all, the episode lasted about 15 seconds.

I think about earthquakes, for which we and most of our fellow citizens are probably woefully underprepared, pretty often. Several times I’ve awakened to a loud shaking in the house, so sometimes I wonder as I fall asleep whether I’ll be jolted awake in the night. In waking hours, they’re pretty far from my mind. But I always have the same thought as the realization dawns we’re having a quake: How bad will this be?

Tonight: 15 seconds is plenty long to start wondering whether this is more than the hills up yonder having a little stretch. The biggest recent quake that most people outside the Bay Area have heard of, the Loma Prieta earthquake of October 17, 1989, lasted 17 seconds. The longest I’ve ever felt was one that woke me up just after noon one day in April 1984. The epicenter was a good 60 miles away, and the magnitude was a not-devastating-sounding 6.0 or so. But it lasted for about 40 seconds and unnervingly seemed to get stronger as it continued. For a nightmarish comparison, the earthquake that hit Mexico’s western coast in September 1985 and triggered building collapses in Mexico City (about 220 miles from the epicenter) is said to have lasted three minutes. That’s long enough to start believing the shaking will never stop, long enough to make you permanently lose your faith that the ground’s an essentially stable, solid thing.

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Floyd Again

It’s not a surprise that Floyd Landis has filed an appeal of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency’s verdict against him. I’m prompted to remember what his mother said when that case went against him: something to the effect that she didn’t think it was worth appealing, but Floyd being Floyd — and seeing that he still insisted on his innocence — how could he not appeal?

Now the case goes to the oddly named Court of Arbitration for Sport in Switzerland, and the word is that its ruling — which will be the final, final, final legal verdict in the matter — will come down early next year.

In the meantime, Tour de France officials will appear in Madrid on Monday to bestow their event’s much besmirched champion’s jersey on Oscar Pereiro, who finished second to Landis in 2006. I just love picturing what happens if the Swiss court rules in Landis’s favor. Will there be a ceremony to retrieve the jersey from Pereiro and give it back to Floyd? (Of course not. In the unlikely event he wins his Swiss appeal, Landis will probably have to sue the Amaury Sports Organization, the Tour company, to get the championship back. Which reminds me of hearing Pete Dexter, the former newspaper columnist and fine novelist, asked about why he hadn’t sued David Milch, the creator of HBO’s “Deadwood,” for what Dexter felt was theft from his much earlier novel of the same name. “You know, if you do that, that’s what you do. That becomes your job. You’re someone who sues.” Not that I’m without sympathy for Floyd, but he looks like he’s got a new job.)

Floyd Again

It’s not a surprise that Floyd Landis has filed an appeal of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency’s verdict against him. I’m prompted to remember what his mother said when that case went against him: something to the effect that she didn’t think it was worth appealing, but Floyd being Floyd — and seeing that he still insisted on his innocence — how could he not appeal?

Now the case goes to the oddly named Court of Arbitration for Sport in Switzerland, and the word is that its ruling — which will be the final, final, final legal verdict in the matter — will come down early next year.

In the meantime, Tour de France officials will appear in Madrid on Monday to bestow their event’s much besmirched champion’s jersey on Oscar Pereiro, who finished second to Landis in 2006. I just love picturing what happens if the Swiss court rules in Landis’s favor. Will there be a ceremony to retrieve the jersey from Pereiro and give it back to Floyd? (Of course not. In the unlikely event he wins his Swiss appeal, Landis will probably have to sue the Amaury Sports Organization, the Tour company, to get the championship back. Which reminds me of hearing Pete Dexter, the former newspaper columnist and fine novelist, asked about why he hadn’t sued David Milch, the creator of HBO’s “Deadwood,” for what Dexter felt was theft from his much earlier novel of the same name. “You know, if you do that, that’s what you do. That becomes your job. You’re someone who sues.” Not that I’m without sympathy for Floyd, but he looks like he’s got a new job.)

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PBP: The Numbers

Thanks to randonneuuring comrade Bruce Berg, who ferreted out the info on the official Paris-Brest-Paris website, the quick official rundown on PBP finishers and DNFs is:

5,160 starters

3,603 finishers.

128 hors delai (riders who got to controls or the finish beyond the allotted time)

1,429 did not finish

Finishing rate: 69.8 percent. That compares to roughly 86 percent in 2003. What a difference a little rain makes.

Here’s the link to the official rider list:

http://www.paris-brest-paris.org/EN/index.php?showpage=283

And for anyone who’s interested, here’s Bruce’s Excel spreadsheet of American riders only (the color-coded riders are those of local Bay Area interest):

PBP results.xls

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Highway Notebook

15North100407

Interstate 5, north of Medford, Oregon. Drove up to Eugene today, on my way to Portland, where I’ll pick up my friend Pete to go up to ride our bikes in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, on Saturday. More on that later. The sky was beautiful the whole trip, though it started to rain off and on just south of Mount Shasta for the rest of the way north. Lots of opportunities for windshield photography. (I insist: It’s not as distracting as cellphones or torch-juggling. Perfectly safe.)

In Eugene, Thom and I went out for dinner, then went back to his house. Isaac, one of his roommates, was surfing YouTube for musical treasures. Here’s a pretty amazing one: a guy dong an acoustic cover of Outkast’s “Hey Ya.” I mean, I liked the original. But I didn’t realize the thing actually had lyrics, and I never imagined it might work as, gulp, a sensitive ballot. Check it out.

And last: The place we went for dinner had the second Cubs-Diamondbacks game on. Damn. That’s all there is to say about that.

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Guest Observation: Steve Goodman

Kate’s a huge Steve Goodman fan, still. Steve Goodman was a huge Cubs fan. And I’m pretty sure Kate introduced me to this song, which allegedly debuted on WGN radio in March 1983 (there’s a live version on the album “Affordable Art“; someone’s posted a Wrigley Field montage on YouTube with “Last Request” as the soundtrack). I’ve always loved it, though of course I have a bone to pick: I believe the reference to “Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye” is out of place; I’ve always though that was a White Sox thing. I don’t recall ever hearing it at Wrigley Field (though admittedly my visits have been few since the Ford administration).

The most memorable occasion I heard this song was on Berkeley’s KPFA. Examiner jazz and pop music critic Phil Elwood had a show there, and when Goodman died — in 1984, after a long, long bout with leukeumia, just a week or two before the Cubs clinched their first division title ever and their first postseason appearance since the 1945 World Series — Elwood played this. Someone at The Examiner taped it, and after we put out the first edition one morning, the handful of Cubs fans on the early desk repaired to a back office to listen to it. Bunch of tough newspaper types. There wasn’t a dry eye among us.

(And oh, yeah: I’ve been too busy ambivalatin’ to say anything about it, but the Cubs are back in the playoffs! And … get ready … they lost Game One to the Diamondbacks.)

The Dying Cub Fan’s Last Request

By the shores of old Lake Michigan

Where the hawk wind blows so cold

An old Cub fan lay dying

In his midnight hour that tolled

Round his bed, his friends had all gathered

They knew his time was short

And on his head they put this bright blue cap

From his all-time favorite sport

He told them, “It’s late and it’s getting dark in here”

And I know it’s time to go

But before I leave the line-up

Boys, there’s just one thing I’d like to know …

Do they still play the blues in Chicago

When baseball season rolls around?

When the snow melts away,

Do the Cubbies still play

In their ivy-covered burial ground?

When I was a boy they were my pride and joy

But now they only bring fatigue

To the home of the brave

The land of the free

And the doormat of the National League?

He told his friends, “You know the law of averages says

Anything will happen that can,

That’s what it says,

But the last time the Cubs won a National League pennant

Was the year we dropped the bomb on Japan.”

The Cubs made me a criminal

Sent me down a wayward path

They stole my youth from me

(that’s the truth)

I’d forsake my teachers

To go sit in the bleachers

In flagrant truancy

And then one thing led to another

and soon I’d discovered alcohol, gambling, dope

football, hockey, lacrosse, tennis —

But what do you expect

When you raise up a young boy’s hopes

And then just crush ’em like so many paper beer cups

Year after year after year

after year, after year, after year, after year, after year

‘Til those hopes are just so much popcorn

for the pigeons beneath the ‘L’ tracks to eat.

He said, “You know I’ll never see Wrigley Field anymore before my eternal rest

So if you have your pencils and your scorecards ready,

I’ll read you my last request.”

He said, “Give me a doubleheader funeral in Wrigley Field

On some sunny weekend day (no lights)

Have the organ play the “National Anthem”

and then a little ‘na, na, na, na, hey hey, hey, goodbye’

Make six bullpen pitchers, carry my coffin

and six groundkeepers clear my path

Have the umpires bark me out at every base

In all their holy wrath.

It’s a beautiful day for a funeral! Hey Ernie let’s play two!

Somebody go get Jack Brickhouse to come back

and conduct just one more interview.

Have the Cubbies run right out into the middle of the field,

Have Keith Moreland drop a routine fly

Give everybody two bags of peanuts and a Frosty Malt

And I’ll be ready to die

Build a big fire on home plate out of your Louisville Sluggers baseball bats,

And toss my coffin in

Let my ashes blow in a beautiful snow

From the prevailing 30 mile an hour southwest wind

When my last remains go flying over the left-field wall

I will bid the bleacher bums adieu

And I will come to my final resting place, out on Waveland Avenue.

The dying man’s friends told him to cut it out

They said stop it, that’s an awful shame

He whispered, “Don’t cry, we’ll meet by and by near the Heavenly Hall of Fame.

He said, “I’ve got season’s tickets to watch the Angels now,

So it’s just what I’m going to do.

He said, “but you the living, you’re stuck here with the Cubs,

So its me that feels sorry for you!”

And he said, “Ahh play that lonesome losers tune,

That’s the one I like the best”

And he closed his eyes, and slipped away

What we got is The Dying Cub Fan’s Last Request,

And here it is

Do they still play the blues in Chicago

When baseball season rolls around?

When the snow melts away,

Do the Cubbies still play

In their ivy-covered burial ground?

When I was a boy they were my pride and joy

But now they only bring fatigue

To the home of the brave

The land of the free

And the doormat of the National League

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Fabuladora, or Tapeworm?

If you had never heard of Tania Head before last week, and I hadn’t, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve happened across her name now. She’s the disgraced former head of a group of World Trade Center survivors; disgraced because it turns out that her story of peril, heroism and escape was just that: an elaborately spun yarn.

The New York Times broke the story last week and put it on the front page (“In a 9/11 Survival Tale, the Pieces Just Don’t Fit“). The Times looked into each unique aspect of the drama Head has been relating for the past few years — among other things, that she was on the 78th floor of the south tower when it was hit, that she was badly burned and helped to safety by a documented hero of the disaster, that she took a wedding ring from a mortally injured man in the tower and gave it to his wife — and found that not a single point of the story can be verified. Head repeatedly postponed interviews with the Times before hiring a lawyer to deal with the media; neither Head nor the lawyer have responded to the story beyond saying she did nothing illegal.

Meantime, a newspaper in Barcelona, La Vanguardia, hasd gotten into the act. The paper has published a couple stories saying that Alicia Esteve (a.k.a. Tania) Head is from Barcelona; that acquaintances felt she was given to telling tall tales (at one point, she is termed a fabuladora — fabulist, or liar, in English — which is just about the best word I’ve come across this week); and that among her suspected fantasies was an account of a 125 mph crash in a Ferrari that severed her arm, which was found and reattached (only to be charred during her World Trade Center Adventure). La Vanguardia followed up that report with one based on interviews with what it describes as Head’s former colleagues and fellow students in Barcelona. One witness says that eight days after 9/11 — a period in which she says she spent five days unconscious in a New York hospital — Head showed up in a Barcelona classroom for an MBA program she was taking. She never mentioned any adventures at the World Trade Center; and apparently the only thing she said about New York is that she’d like to go there and work someday.

(The second La Vanguardia article, “Alicia Esteve comenzó curso en Barcelona días después del 11-S,” is in Spanish; the highly entertaining Google translation is here. Entertaining? Well, machine translation is still an inexact science; although it’s impressive that you can get this kind of instantaneous conversion from one language to another merely by pressing a button on your Web browser. But it is a conversion, not a translation, and the results are often comical. For instance, whatever algorithm Google uses apparently can’t make heads or tails of the pronouns in the Head story; so the story is filled with hes, hims and its that refer to Head. And then there’s the case of the ambiguous word that is meant one way and rendered another.

Here’s one sentence that got my attention in the “English” version: “Nevertheless, its personality, very surrounding and demanding, according to those who knew it, turned it a tapeworm.” A tapeworm? Here’s the Spanish: “Sin embargo, su personalidad, muy envolvente y exigente, según quienes la conocieron, la convertía en una solitaria.” Well, solitaria does mean tapeworm. Sometimes. But in this context, the story was talking about Head’s reported habit of trying to ingratiate herself with others. But apparently her “surrounding and demanding personality” turned people off and thus she became a “solitaria” — which can also mean (I think) a solitary one. The next sentence, in machine English, gives some context that would back up that reading: “No matter how much one made an effort in being likeable, it had few friends.”)

Returning to the subject of the tapeworm talk: One needs to read some of Head’s account of her imaginary 9/11 experience to get a feeling for how involved and vivid the fantasy was. For a piece the New York Daily News ran for the fifth anniversary of the attacks, a reporter joined one of Head’s tours of Ground Zero. She didn’t hold anything back describing the scene:

“Burned, bleeding, nearly blinded by dust, she struggled toward the stairway. ‘Blood. Body parts. I crawled through all that,’ she recalled. ‘I realized everybody around me was dying.’ She then encountered the first figure in FDNY bunker gear. ‘I always like to say for me it was like seeing God,’ she recalled. ‘It was like, “Okay, we’re gong to make it.” ‘ … Head had managed to reach the street when the south tower came down and a firefighter pulled her under a rig. ‘That was it for me. I woke up in a hospital five days later.’ ”

I suppose it’s not too hard to figure out how someone could come up with details like that: lots has been written about what happened that day, and imagination is a powerful thing. But the next step — presenting yourself as someone who was there, who touched many of those who perished — is breathtaking, as is the effort to maintain such a complex, attention-getting fiction (here’s one example of an admirer watching Tania in action).

That’s the story here: trying to peel back how this person made the journey from ingratiating, irritating misfit to heroine in a sweeping, historic tragedy. Of course, putting it that way almost makes it sound inevitable; the misfit, if such a being actually exists, always wants to be the hero, right? But still, that conversion — the day-to-day details, not the psychological generalizing — is what’s really interesting to me.

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Monday Notebook

The Tragedy of the (Parking) Commons: Nearly everyone I know drives. That means everyone I know parks. I’ll only speak for my own experience, though: The most detestable part of driving is getting stuck in traffic; the second worst, which is almost the same as the first, is parking in a busy commercial district. I love seeing drivers circling blocks or parking lots looking for a choice space: I call that “the great lazy American pastime”; though often enough, even in a place as self-consciously environmentally correct as Berkeley, any space is a choice space.

What’s the cumulative effect of our need to park right now, right next to wherever impulse or necessity have driven us? A piece in Salon this morning, “We paved paradise,” reviews the impacts and possible solutions. One tidbit:

“… [T]here are few frustrations like driving around looking for a parking space, which has its own environmental impacts. [A researcher] studied a 15-block district in Los Angeles and found that drivers spent an average of 3.3 minutes looking for parking, driving about half a mile each. Over the course of a year, Shoup calculated the cruising in that small area would amount to 950,000 excess miles traveled, equal to 38 trips around the earth, wasting about 47,000 gallons of gas, and producing 730 tons of carbon dioxide that contribute to global warming.”

Massive Final Half-Off Double-Points Blow-Out Sale of the Century: I bought something from Performance Bicycle Stores (performancebike.com) at some point, and boy, they sure won’t let me forget it. Here’s how one of my email in-boxes looks this morning:

Performance100107

That’s 11 sale emails in eight days. Another word for it is spam, and you wonder whether the deals they’re offering outweigh the irritation engendered by the swarm of offers. I rarely open the emails; the main reason is that I’d like to support my local bike shops instead of spending my money with a chain. Performance did open a shop here in the last couple years, though, and I’ll admit I go in there to buy the bike drink mix that I use; the prices charged elsewhere are simply too much of a gouge.

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A Sports Sunday

Today’s best football name: Derek Belch, Stanford kicker.

California 31, Oregon 24: Wow — a matter of divided loyalties in our house. Kate and I went to Cal (she even graduated) and we’ve lived in Berkeley for decades. On the other side of the coin, Thom is a Duck and enough of a fan that a couple years ago he went out to Autzen Stadium in Eugene to watch Cal and Oregon play in a cold, windy, soaking rain. Oregon won in overtime that day, then got thumped in Berkeley last year (Thom and some friends came down here for that one). If you’re a fan, you know yesterday was a big deal; if you’re not, suffice it to say that both teams are very good and the game actually got some national attention. It was far from a perfect game — Oregon gave the ball to Cal four times in the fourth quarter, and still Cal just squeaked by.

For Kate and me, the game was a different kind of challenge. We turned off our TV earlier in the week. So while the Ducks and Bears engaged in a great gridiron struggle far to the north, we were in Berkeley testing whether a household so deprived of video capability could long endure a game with Cal’s radio guy Joe Starkey as the only source of play-by-play. It’s altogether fitting and proper for me to report that despite the usually frustrating and occasionally comic shortcomings of Starkey’s work, we stuck with the game to the end.

Guest observation: Dave Barry, who grew up in Pittsburgh, recalling the denouement of the 1960 Pirates-Yankees World Series:

“That series went seven games, and I vividly remember how it ended. School was out for the day, and I was heading home, pushing my bike up a step hill, listening to my cheapo little radio, my eyes staring vacantly ahead, my mind locked on the game. A delivery truck came by, and the driver stopped and asked if he could listen. Actually, he more or less told me he was going to listen; I said OK.

“The truck driver turned out to be a rabid Yankee fan. The game was very close, and we stood on opposite sides of my bike for the final two innings, rooting for opposite teams, he chain-smoking Lucky Strike cigarettes, both of us hanging on every word coming out of my tinny little speaker.

“And, of course, if you were around back then and did not live in Russia, you know what happened: God, in a sincere effort to make for all those fly balls he directed toward me in Little League, had Bill Mazeroski — Bill Mazeroski! — hit a home run to win it for the Pirates.

“I was insane with joy. The truck driver was devastated. But I will never forget what he said to me. He looked me square in the eye, one baseball fan to another, after a tough but fair fight, and he said a seriously bad word. Several, in fact. Then he got in his truck and drove away.”

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