Who Are These Goons?

A handbill posted on a lightpole at 16th and South Van Ness. The list of suspicious circumstances got me.

Have you recently experienced any of the following:

• “Lost” mail? “Wrong numbers”?
• Dust bunnies? Flies on the windowsill ? Dead moths?
• Tooth aches? Interrupted sleep? Invalid passwords?
• Rearranged possessions? (Your belongings not where you left them?)
• Mismatched socks? Zippers not working properly?
• Odd damage or small stains around your house?
• Theft and sabotage of your food or kitchenware? Appliances behaving strangely?
• Cabinet and drawer handles held on by screws repeatedly loosened ARTIFICIALLY?
• Opened caps on items such as deodorant & food containers being retightened excessively?
• Do you hear sirens? Customers in a store filing into line just as you’re about to check out?
• Itching?

A reader notes (thanks, reader!) that it’s worth visiting the site of The Jejune Institute, noted on the poster as the suspected perpetrator of this harassment. (And if you’re thirsting for further Jejune knowledge, see the Yelp reviews.)